Breastfeeding is definitely making it’s comeback. 

I kind of feel like it’s a ”damned if you do and damned if you don’t” kind of situation. I honestly do believe breast milk is the best nutrition on Earth for your babies, however, formula is also the next best thing. Meaning, if you don’t end up breastfeeding, you’re baby will do just fine on formula.

With my first baby, everything was going great, we were doing bottle and breast because I was still in school. And then about 5 weeks in I had block exams (a whole week of tests). Because I really really needed to study, I just pumped the whole week and bottle fed the baby. I guess I shouldn’t be shock that my baby lost her latch. So for the next 6 months I pumped. And everyday I saw my milk dwindling to the point where I was pumping all day just for barely a meal’s worth of breast milk for her.

I hate pumping.  All you ever hear about pumping is what a great invention for women who need to go back to work. I think – what a terrible invention made by men to force women to go back to work.  I seriously hate it.

Anyways, back to breastfeeding. So for this baby – I really wanted to take time off from school to get it down right for at least 7 months.

There are just so many opinions and pressures surrounding breastfeeding. My own mother really believes in in formula feeding, and would love to just see me bulldoze my way through medical school and become a doctor faster. My mother-in-law definitely believes in breast milk and would have me take all the time off that I need. In fact she would have me take more time off for more babies if that was a possibility (I have toyed with the idea). Either way both supports me in whatever decision I make.

I personally wanted to breastfeed, because I felt it was one of the few things that a mother can really do for their baby that’s truly special. Nobody else can do the same. I also feel that if I’m signing up to be away for the next 4-5 years of my babies lives (residency), at least I can do this for my babies.

While it truly is glorious and a wonderful thing, it’s not that amazing in practice. I’ve haven’t had a full night’s sleep, not even a 3 hour sleep, in who knows how long. I wake up every 1 to 2 hour to breastfeed my baby. When I breastfeed, my baby gets sweaty where his skin is touching mine. I have this constant sleep deprived headache that I can keep at bay, but not get rid of.  I have no idea how much my baby is getting down. I keep second-guessing myself and my supply of breast milk just to remind myself that he’s growing well. I can’t help but keep feeling his fontanel to see if he’s dehydrated. When I am breastfeeding, it’s like a 30-45 minute ordeal where I can’t help but get bored so I’m becoming a TV junkie. I couldn’t help but feel like I had already failed when we had gone back into the hospital for jaundice and the doctor ordered the baby to be given supplemental formula for those few days.

And that is breastfeeding and it’s full glory…

… I am enjoying every minute of it.